Black Saturday Blues

I am in desperate need of someone I can talk to… These past few days of keeping to myself are the weirdest moments in my life. For your information, I do think that blogging at this unholy hour is definitely hazardous to my health. Would you believe it’s 4:31 in the morning?

Great I just heard the cock crow… So much for another early start! Hay…

Why am I in such a contemplative mood? On the ride to Chinatown before dinner, I was immersed in deep thought. My mortality disturbed me…

As I drove my mom’s car, I looked at the winding road zooming by my window. The Coastal highway near Roxas Boulevard definitely stirred some of my morbid perceptions of life.

I am going to die someday so…I still don’t get it. Why do I keep on living my life? What’s after death? These questions wracked my very being.

The sense of being present in the lives of others somehow caught my fancy during that same moment. Why do I love being around my friends? Perhaps my being with them lets me lose my sense of time. I guess the carefree moments with my close buddies help me cope with the effect of the unstoppable flow of time.

My friend Nicole kept teasing me a hundred times before…, “Oldie! EZ, You are such an oldie!”

Age… Being 18 turning 19 in a few months just made me realize a lot of things. Time has this ultimately sly way of slipping your grasp. The last time I really thought about it, I was still in 1st year high school. What happened during those years between 1st year and 4th year? Why has everything gone by so fast?

This fast-paced life sickens me… I wish I could take things slow again. As much as I’d like to grow up, I’d hate to leave my carefree days as a high school bum/slacker/innocent teenager of the world. College… It doesn’t seem as inviting as it used to be a year ago.

Perhaps I rushed into things too much during the past 2 years of my life. Am I a sucker for instant gratification? Want, Want, Want, Now, Now, Now…

I’ve always longed for material wealth. Not that I’m underprivileged or anything but I guess I’ve always had this desire to want more of whatever I can get my hands on in life. More money, more clothes, more food, more gadgets, more friends, more achievements…and the list goes on….

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Scratch that, Sabs just went online and she invited me to a Katipunero sunrise escapade. It’s now 4:47am.

(The Escapade etc etc etc)

That was really exhilarating being with almost all of the Katipunan barkada again. I picked up E.J., Sabs and Merc. We went to Ateneo to watch the sunrise…Ngerk…too bad today was too cloudy for us to see anything let alone a glimpse of the rising sun. We had breakfast in Pancake House. We finally met up with Issa, Dav and his friend Samako(?). Basta his name started with an M. Hehe Sorry about that man. We played Bullshit and 1-2-3 Pass to while the time away.

Take note I haven’t had an ounce of sleep since yesterday…My God! I am going insane!

Went to Merc’s to finish the last game…We were so red afterwards… J

Thanks Sabs for saving me. (Thanks to all the others too!)

SO anyways…I’m here again…I want to sleep…

I think I’m sooo bored na…

And oh, for my next blog entry, I’ll be writing about the AC grad Ball and MK. (My new extra super duper fun barkada. Oh I love ‘em.) I just might post a few pictures. J I’m outta here!

Eaze signing off…( I apologize for the sudden mood swing starting from the Escapade episode. That part was totally written like 7 hours after my gloomy disposition.)

The Blue Rose ;)

How do you define the perfect night?

Last Saturday, March 12, 2005 was a night I'd definitely remember. I lived for that night. In fact, the only thing keeping me sane for the last part of the school year was the ball...

Let me correct myself. The only thing keeping me from insanity for the last part of the school year was her...

My date...

Wow...

Seeing her in that dress when i picked her up just left me speechless. I was literally stunned and paralyzed. And the way she carried herself the whole night... Amazing... What more could i ask for? She was the perfect date for the ball.

How can a smile be so powerful...? Everytime I think about it, her smile gives me this high, this adrenaline rush.

I loved the way she smiled that night...

I wrote this poem a long time ago while daydreaming in the classroom. I always found it difficult not being able to find out why i wrote it but i guess i have the best reason to share this now.

That Smile of Yours

I have been watching you for quite some time

I don't know why

I just have

There is something about you that draws me to you

I always seem to let my eyes wander to where you're at

Do I admire that smile of yours?

I think I do

You have this certain way of smiling

I like it because of the way it slowly curls your lips up and reveals those dimples in your cheeks

Your smile flushes your pale white face red with life

Your smile hides a mischievous side of your entire persona

Though I'm tempted to do something about what I'm feeling

I don't...

...simply because I'm content watching you

Carefully observing each of your emotions

Even though I don't know you too well, your smile never ceases to brighten up my day

It's funny that I always look for it...

Desire it...

Your smile tells me everything about you...

...well almost everything

Will I ever earn the right to make you smile?...

Maybe someday...

So now I just stay in the shadows and admire your smile...

I let it excite me, mystify me and enchant me

to think that one day...

one day...

...my smile would bring out the best smile in you...

~Eaze

"A perfect night... is a night under the stars... with her... "

3 Days To Go...Ay...Mali...2 Days Nalang Pala

A week of summer CAdT has passed... And I'm still the same frustrated Sergeant Major I was during the school year. I actually feel pretty bad for the guys who are taking this make-up course now. Nakaka-asar siguro para sa kanila noh? Well, actually, ako rin eh. I'm so f-ing tired from all the shouting and push-ups and blah...

Wo-Wo-Wo-Nan-Wo...

Day in, day out, that's the crap I hear nalang...

Poor schmucks...

I want to release you all from this weird earthly bondage called CAT. haha. If i could lang guys, I'd get all of you outta there! Especially my classmates: Dino, Peter, Paolo, Dan-J, Amos, Mikko, Samboy, Meds, Zerge...

I don't enjoy having to order you guys around. Pero that's the way it should be eh. Or else I get the boot from the school hahaha. Damn.

But don't worry coz I'm doing my damn best to keep the CAdT Summer Prgoram as fun as possible. I'm sure you know that I'm doing my best to keep you guys sane.

To keep all of us sane.

To keep mself sane actually rawr... ;)

I'll save your asses. We'll have rip-roaring fun!!! Haha

Hmmm now off to the main point of my blogging for today...

It's only 2 days before my grad ball. Darn it! Why does time fly by so fast?!? I'm pretty excited, I sure damn am! But I'm also pretty darn nervous as well. I mean, wow, I know I have the whole night with her and my friends pero... 6 hours is a lot of time... hahahaha a whole DAMN lot of time.

Well, let's see...If I budget my time wisely...ermm I can stare at her for the first 2 hours then talk for an hour then stare again for another 2 hours then...pshhh what the hell am i blabbering about!!?? I know she'll look great. Heck, she'll look really hot! Beautiful! Shem...

Those were all understatements...

Aside from falling head-over-heels **toot** with her that night...EWAN!!! That's the thing! I've worked so damn hard for this and now that the time comes to enjoy my time with her...I'm freezing...just like a damn cat in the headlights of a car that's about to be run over!

I'll enjoy that night. I'm sure I will. Everything will be fine. She'll enjoy it too I hope (or I'll kill myself). No pressure tsss...

Who am i kidding?... (No pressure...lul...) Hahaha

"I don't want the world, I want you..."

-Jamiroquai

Love Foolosophy